Article 11: Grief, Loss, and the Myth of Closure

Grief is often spoken about as if it follows a predictable path toward resolution. People are encouraged to “move on,” “find closure,” or reach a point where the loss no longer hurts. When this does not happen, many begin to worry that they are grieving incorrectly.

In reality, grief rarely unfolds in neat stages, and closure is often a misleading concept.

What grief actually involves

Grief is a response to loss, but it is also a response to change. When someone or something meaningful is lost, the world no longer fits in the same way. Roles shift, assumptions are disrupted, and the future imagined before the loss may no longer feel available.

Grief therefore affects not only emotions, but identity, memory, and meaning.

Why the idea of closure is problematic

The notion of closure implies an endpoint — a moment when grief is finished and emotional pain is resolved. For many people, this expectation creates unnecessary pressure.

Some losses do not lend themselves to closure, particularly when the relationship was complex, unfinished, or deeply formative. In these cases, the task is not to end grief, but to find ways of carrying it that do not dominate daily life.

How grief can fluctuate

Grief is not linear. It often moves in waves, with periods of relative calm followed by sudden intensity. Anniversaries, reminders, or changes in life circumstances can bring grief back into the foreground unexpectedly.

These fluctuations do not mean someone is “going backwards.” They reflect the ongoing nature of attachment and meaning.

Grief and emotional avoidance

Because grief is painful, people may attempt to avoid it by staying busy, intellectualising, or suppressing emotion. While these strategies can provide temporary relief, they often delay the process of integration.

Allowing grief to be present in manageable ways tends to support longer-term adaptation more effectively than avoidance.

Living with grief rather than resolving it

Many people find that grief changes over time rather than disappearing. The intensity may soften, and moments of connection, memory, or sadness may coexist with a meaningful and engaged life.

This does not represent failure. It reflects the lasting impact of attachment.

A realistic perspective

Grief is not something to complete or overcome. It is something that becomes woven into a person’s life in different ways over time.

Approaching grief with patience rather than expectation can reduce self-judgement and allow space for a more personal and humane process.

Selected Academic Sources

1. Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement. Death Studies.
2. Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. (1996). Continuing Bonds. Taylor & Francis.
3. Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning Reconstruction and the Experience of Loss. APA.
4. Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy. Springer.